1.5.03.
my life is perfect. a guest entry by lieva.
so, my life is perfect. it had been perfect for a while, and then yesterday outlook crashed and i realized there was a small chance i would never again have access to the thousands and thousands of e-mails that have entered my life since i was twelve, and my life wasn't perfect anymore. but then i was brilliant, and i fixed it! so now my life is perfect again.
i don't even feel those bitter pangs of i-wish-my-life-wasn't-so-goddamn-perfect so i could complain about it and get sympathy and things.
when i'm here at home sometimes i stay in my pajamas in my house for days. when i get excited and silly i jump around and poke people. my sister gives me a big hug and a gigantic smile and says "you're so cute!" unless it's her i'm poking, in which case she just curls up and giggles like a madwoman.
when i'm at school sometimes i stay in my pajamas in my home for days. when i get excited and silly i jump people and poke them. they give me big hugs and gigantic cuddles and say "you're wonderful."
then, at home or at school, we all sit around the kitchen table with steaming mugs of hot fruity tea and talk about how it's wonderful to kiss women.
then sometimes i go to bed and do. kiss women.
i'm the kind of person who thrives on affirmation and withers in the face of criticism. i tried to get better at taking criticism constructively for a while, and sought it out. that wasn't a good idea. it didn't work. whenever i looked for criticism i was really just seeking affirmation. it was a counterproductive behavior. my life wasn't quite perfect then. but then it changed. i realized that i'm just an affirmation junkie. that's part of who i am and it's great! so now i seek out affirmation on purpose, with no guilt trips about it. and i get it! so now my life is perfect.
the best thing about this perfect life is that it doesn't feel limited. it feels to me like my life has been getting better and better since it started, and i see no reason why it shouldn't continue. a perfect life wouldn't be quite perfect if i spent all the perfect moments trying to remeber to enjoy them because life can only go downhill from perfection. i have nothing now that i can't have forever and always. the best friends ever, the most wonderful family i could imagine growing up in, and hot tea whenever i need it.
sometimes i'm confronted with the fact some of the people i love have lives that aren't perfect, but i can usually make them at least a little better. see, i've found that everyone i love is an affirmation junkie too! it's a useful observation.
speaking of necessary elements of a perfect life, i have an effectively limitless quantity of dark belgian chocolate. it's in big blocks that i can gnaw on. when i need chocolate, nothing else will do. and i always have some!
my life is perfect. and you're invited to come join it.